1 Year Out
I have been doing a lot of thinking. November was our one year mark for being home. It was a great celebration and a time to reflect. One year…one monumental year. There are definitely things I’ve learned…
1. I love my daughter more and more. I really love her. I think at the first there was this sense that I loved her because of who she represented: a daughter, an end to multi-year struggle to become a family, answered prayers, a sweet soul to be with. Now I understand that I love her more: I love her for who she is, the reciprocal relationship we have (which stands in stark contrast to the first five days we knew her when she didn’t like us at all), the person she’s becoming, all I’ve seen God do through her for our family. So much more. I loved her when I met her, but the relationship really, really grows.
2. It did get easier. Our first few weeks at home were a big adjustment. We returned about ten days before Thanksgiving, so a series of holiday travel, jet lag, repeated ear infections, getting up multiple times a night as well as all the first time parent jitters made for a lengthy adjustment. It’s good to be in a routine and to know that in many ways, it does get easier. Not in all ways…but in many. As I’ve stood outside the international gates at our local airport several times in the past year to see weary parents and tired children walk through the doors I have often (read “every time”) thought “Wow…so glad it’s you and not me!”
3. Reactions in public haven’t been bad. I wasn’t sure what types of reactions we would get in public with a multi-racial family, but it’s been a breeze for us. I’m sure part of it can be attributed to the fact that we live in a major metropolitan area with quite a diverse population. Heck, my street alone was Chinese nationals, African nationals, Hispanic families, Caucasian families, African-American families, multiracial families…even an African-American couple who had Caucasian foster kids. So standing in Target, walking in the mall, going out to eat…we’ve gotten nothing but good reactions and encouragement.
We are also quite open and frequently talk about our family story. Our agency had educated us that stupid questions from strangers won’t bother our daughter as much as stupid reactions from us. Because of this, our theory has been “Conversations we start are conversations we can control.” We try to head off any potential problems by taking the lead in what is discussed.
I also don’t think it hurts that our daughter is extremely cute and very outgoing. She’s always talking to everyone!
4. The entire experience is still teaching me things. Going to Africa, if you let it, will teach you a lot. I’m so sad when I hear of families that are just “ready to get back” and “want some good food.” Granted…I was ready for a hamburger and Coke when I landed in Frankfurt, but I loved my time there. I feel like it’s still teaching me so much about what really matters in life, contentment, joy, satisfaction in life…and to be honest…how much of what the American life is about really doesn’t matter at all. It has challenged my faith and made me look at so much. I’m grateful for that aspect of it.
5. Taking care of her hair isn’t hard…it’s just different. It’s probably the question we get asked the most (from both Caucasians and African-Americans): how do you do her hair? There is a level of trial and error in it, but in reality, it’s not hard. It’s just different. And more time consuming. But it’s not hard. It’s kind of fun getting to spend time with her while combing through her sweet curls. It’s an automatic block of time that has to be spent…so why not enjoy!
7 Responses to “1 Year Out”
Lovely article….i’m glad things are getting better. I pray that they will only be more joyous and wonderful as the years move along. Happy 1st Year.
Beautifully written!
Excllent thoughts…. it will be one year next month for us! Its be a wonderful tying year, not one I would wish upon any one but a wonderful year!!
Very well written. We have been blessed to adopt twice (four children) from Ethiopia and have been home 3 years with two of them, and 2 1/2 years with the additional two kids. What an adjustment. There is so much leading up to the actual adoption, but I think too many parents do not realize just how long it can take to truly bond with an older child. Our children were 5,7,7 and 11 at adoption. It is so true how you come to love them more and more each day. We too were saddened to hear parents just wish to be home when in Ethiopia, the people in Eth are AMAZING and really helped us to rethink the way we live as Americans and as a family. We have downsized literally everthing even though we have 10 kids. Well, we didn’t downsize the van, but you kinow what I mean.
An Ethiopian girl in smocking.
Y’all are straight after my heart.
Very well written. We have been blessed to adopt twice (four children) from Ethiopia and have been home 3 years with two of them, and 2 1/2 years with the additional two kids. What an adjustment. There is so much leading up to the actual adoption, but I think too many parents do not realize just how long it can take to truly bond with an older child. Our children were 5,7,7 and 11 at adoption. It is so true how you come to love them more and more each day. We too were saddened to hear parents just wish to be home when in Ethiopia, the people in Eth are AMAZING and really helped us to rethink the way we live as Americans and as a family. We have downsized literally everthing even though we have 10 kids. Well, we didn’t downsize the van, but you kinow what I mean.
Excllent thoughts…. it will be one year next month for us! Its be a wonderful tying year, not one I would wish upon any one but a wonderful year!!